It's Not You, It's Me

It is with bittersweet sentiment that I have to say that this post will be my swan song to DBNS.  I have really loved doing it, was shocked to discover that I could, and even more shocked to discover that anyone actually wanted to read it.  (I guess all that stuff they say about trying something that scares you really is true!)  But it is time for a new chapter in my singlehood.

The truth is, that while dating and being single certainly can be funny, it is not always a picnic.  On one of those rough nights, I was on the phone with a girlfriend who has been there in the trenches with me for most of my 30's.  I was going on and on about why was it so hard and don't people know how hard it is to go through this every week and why wasn't it ever changing?!  With much wisdom and sensitivity, she pointed out that I have been doing it the same way for quite a while.  Meaning, "dating like it my job" and collecting funny tales about it.  (This has been my M.O. long before it was posted online.)   She suggested that I stop the blog.  At first I was defensive, (I love DBNS! People love DBNS!) but then I really heard her.  I have painted myself in to a corner.  I am funny dating story girl!  People expect the stories from me, and I deliver.  I manifested it so much that I made it real and gave it a name- Desperate But Not Serious.  But you know what?  I don't want to be desperate anymore, and I don't want my romantic life to be a joke.  She said it best when she texted me the next day "I want your love life to be amazing, not anecdotal!"  Ah, girlfriends- the shrinks you don't have to pay.  (And of course, I should have already learned this lesson from my TV girlfriends.)

So, I am going to reinvent my single self.  Instead of a blogging, online-dating Bridget Jones, I would like to become an alluring, captivating man-magnet, loose on the streets of my new city.  I don't want dating to be a joke or a job- just a pleasure.  I am going to stop running my love life by committee and on my computer, and start behaving like an adult instead of a 16-year old.  And in this age of Facebook and Match and Twitter, I would like to embrace an old-fashioned concept: mystery.  I would like to date people who don't already know everything about me before we've met.  I want to be present with men, instead of collecting nuggets for everyone I know.  I want to relax and let it happen, and open myself up to the man that will be worth the wait.  This will all take some deprogramming, and who knows if I can do it.  But didn't Einstein say the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?  It's time for a new approach.

(Cheers and farewell- thanks SO MUCH for all of your support!  I will leave the blog up for the archives, and so I have somewhere to announce my future engagement.  xo! Jane)