7 Things I Will Not Miss About You

I know, I lag.  I have not updated recently.  I have been busy working, moving, and, oh yes, waiting by the phone.  It took 10 days or so for HD to follow up his breakup text with an actual phone call.  And surprise, surprise, we officially ended it.  He can't have a relationship when he only has 10% of his time to give, blah blah blah.  Nothing I didn't already know, especially after all that time to obsess about it.

The thing is, I miss him.  I really do.  I miss his height and his fantastic thick mop of hair.  I miss the way he says yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (4x, not 3.)  I miss how happy he is, and spastic, and funny and sweet and affectionate. But I have to stop all that- it really does not serve me.  In the spirit of moving on after yet another disappointing breakup, I'm thinking I need to concentrate on the things that I will be better off without.  So, HD, here are a few things I will NOT miss about you...

1.  You need some shoes with backs.  I'm really serious.  The very first thing I ever said about you was "yeah, he's cute, but I don't like those mandals."  As far as I know, all of your footwear is some kind of mule.  I know you are pressed for time, but come on, you don't have 10 seconds to lace up some converse?

2.  I will not miss your child that I never met.  I'm sure he's fantastic and brilliant and adorable, but now I don't have to worry about competing with him, or fucking up his life one day, or even just cleaning up his legos.  This is definitely a weight off my shoulders.

3.  No more $6 bridge tolls!

4.  Now I won't have to worry about cooking for a chef.  Soo intimidating- thanks!

5.  Not gonna miss your divorce.  Thank you for never making it my problem, but now I'm thinking that I will only pursue men who are totally free and clear.

6.  I will definitely not mourn the 5 lbs. that I likely would have gained from having all those fabulous future meals with you.

7.  And I will NEVER EVER miss waiting by the phone!!

Hmmm, I was hoping that might make me feel a little bit better...  maybe just a smidge.  Oh well, on to the next!