Jane Jones is Too Busy to Think About It!

I'm moving.  So, I have been apartment hunting and working and flying back and forth to L.A. to pack, and I have utterly lost sight of my love life.  Which actually feels okay, because I think that is the first time that has happened in, like, ever.  (A note to The Universe: according to what EVERYONE has been telling me for the past 20 years, this is when I am supposed to meet someone, when I'm "not thinking about it", right?  Oh wait- having a dating blog doesn't really count as "not thinking about it," does it?  Oh well.  And thanks for the cute property manager, btw!)

In addition to having no time to date, keep up with friends or go out, I also went cold turkey on the great time-sucker of our day: Facebook.  What started out as a practical accident became a choice that felt pretty darn good.  I think I know why: there are exes on there!  What used to be such an inexact science ("accidental" run-ins, updates from friends) is now an actual status update, in black and white, on your home page.  "HD is braising beef cheeks!"  Really?  And not calling me?  "Michelle Whoever posted new photos of HD!"  At a wedding?? Whose?  And wearing a cute hat- how dare he?!  This is terrible.  And it's not just the exes.  There are crushes, changing their relationship status, and guys who like you but you're not into, and guys you went out with three times six months ago, and people from high school and college who know other people...  It's a minefield.  I tried to go with it, updating my own status in order to seem more fabulous, specifically for HD.  "JJ is making it happen!"  (Seriously.)  I knew it was time for a break when someone wrote "you're going to need to be more specific."  I wish I could write "JJ has a date with a hot doctor who really looks A LOT like Patrick Dempsey" or "JJ just got flowers- again!" but, unfortunately, too many people know the truth.  And what about your "friends" posting unflattering pics of you, or writing private information on your Wall??  I know I don't have to tell you ladies this, but proceed with caution.  We've entered a new dimension.  (And if it starts to get to you, just turn it off.  It's been liberating.)

7 Things I Will Not Miss About You

I know, I lag.  I have not updated recently.  I have been busy working, moving, and, oh yes, waiting by the phone.  It took 10 days or so for HD to follow up his breakup text with an actual phone call.  And surprise, surprise, we officially ended it.  He can't have a relationship when he only has 10% of his time to give, blah blah blah.  Nothing I didn't already know, especially after all that time to obsess about it.

The thing is, I miss him.  I really do.  I miss his height and his fantastic thick mop of hair.  I miss the way he says yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (4x, not 3.)  I miss how happy he is, and spastic, and funny and sweet and affectionate. But I have to stop all that- it really does not serve me.  In the spirit of moving on after yet another disappointing breakup, I'm thinking I need to concentrate on the things that I will be better off without.  So, HD, here are a few things I will NOT miss about you...

1.  You need some shoes with backs.  I'm really serious.  The very first thing I ever said about you was "yeah, he's cute, but I don't like those mandals."  As far as I know, all of your footwear is some kind of mule.  I know you are pressed for time, but come on, you don't have 10 seconds to lace up some converse?

2.  I will not miss your child that I never met.  I'm sure he's fantastic and brilliant and adorable, but now I don't have to worry about competing with him, or fucking up his life one day, or even just cleaning up his legos.  This is definitely a weight off my shoulders.

3.  No more $6 bridge tolls!

4.  Now I won't have to worry about cooking for a chef.  Soo intimidating- thanks!

5.  Not gonna miss your divorce.  Thank you for never making it my problem, but now I'm thinking that I will only pursue men who are totally free and clear.

6.  I will definitely not mourn the 5 lbs. that I likely would have gained from having all those fabulous future meals with you.

7.  And I will NEVER EVER miss waiting by the phone!!

Hmmm, I was hoping that might make me feel a little bit better...  maybe just a smidge.  Oh well, on to the next!