Priorities

How has it been 10 days with no update?  Terrible!  It probably has to do with this little pastime I've just gotten into: working.  (Something to do between dates!)  Fun, but it has put such a cramp in my free time!

Anyway, one thing that hasn't been filling up all my remaining leisure time is hanging out with HD.  I haven't seen him in 10 days either.  Remember that post I wrote about how he was a different kind of busy guy?  Yeah, not so much.  Apparently that was just HD's representative.  Because the truth of the matter is that he is increasingly taxed, stressed, and overbooked, and there has been little to no time left for our romance.  Now, I knew this was coming- I could see a mile away that this was the worst possible time for him to start things up with me.  (Have I mentioned that his divorce is not final yet?)  Between that, his kid, the restaurant, planning for a new restaurant, moving into his house, bottling the wine that he makes (seriously), and just being the candle-burning-at-both-ends Mayor of Marin, I have never been quite sure where I was going to fit in.  But I thought if we liked each other enough it would just "work out".  (Famous last words, right?  See, I told you I'm an eternal optimist.)  For whatever reason, it doesn't seem to be working out right now.  After recently expressing my frustration at trying to squeeze my way into an unsqueezable schedule,  I got a text message that was the digital equivalent of "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me."  I am still waiting on the real, adult-style follow-up phone call.

Yes, I am bummed.  I have not felt this comfortable and so myself with a man in quite a while.  I am even more bummed about how familiar this all feels.  Unfortunately, this is rather well-traveled road for me.  But who knows, the romantic in me is holding out hope that things may sort themselves out with HD.  But I just know that I have to be with someone who puts me on the priority list, and if he can't do it, I've got to find the man that can.

The Past In My Path

Last week I ran into, or almost ran over, my ex.  I was driving in a posh pleasantville about 30 minutes from San Francisco when I noticed a hot guy in the crosswalk in front of me.  Tall, fit, dark wavy hair...  First thought: do they have cute guys out here? (I have been single forever- this is how my brain works at this point.)  Second thought: OH MY GOD, THAT IS MY EX!

Backstory: I have 3 major loves of my life, and this was Number One.  I met him when I was 19, and we dated long distance for most of college, until I was lured away by the promise of fraternity date dances and an unencumbered spring break.  But this didn't matter because everyone knew we would end up together, including us.  We were just too young, and that was "someday".  We were always close over the years, dating and traveling together when we were both single.  Things even got particularly dramatic when Ex 1 stepped in and protested an impending engagement to Ex 2 (which, I guess, worked).  But we never got it together to move to the same city (he has always been in SF, btw) and he started dating some french girl.  I was not worried, figuring Frenchie would be a flash in le pan.  That is, until, she got pregnant.  Even though I burst into tears when he broke the news, we managed to fake a "friendship" until they got married about 2 years ago.  He then stopped returning my calls, and we haven't spoken since.  I had heard that there is a baby #2 now.  I have been SO GOOD and have not tried to contact him since my arrival in SF this summer, but have been moving through the city with knowledge that he and his double stroller could be around the next corner. (Remember that one when Carrie runs into Aidan on the street and he says "I had a baby" and she says "I have a date!"...?)

Anyway, back to the crosswalk.  I was on the phone with a friend at the time and just started screaming in the middle of her story.  As she coached me through it, I turned around when I could and went back to chase him down.  No luck.  I left him a voicemail that went quickly from fake-breezy to over-explaining.  He called back anyway, and we caught up (Baby 2 is already a year!) and we are supposed to meet for coffee soon. (I think Carrie and Aidan said that too, didn't they?)  Who knows if we'll actually end up face to face, but at least I can relax a bit knowing the inevitable has already happened, and my corner has been turned.

French Lesson

Last week one of my BF's hit the wall, got a major bee in her bonnet, and declared that we needed to go out to meet some boys/guys/men.  And possibly make out with them.  You don't have to ask me twice, so before we knew it, we were out at a local meet market, margaritas in hand.  The pickings were rather slim, until four dashing gents arrived, clad in very well-cut jackets and fancy chapeaus.  Was it a band, direct from a photo shoot?  No, this is San Francisco, not Los Angeles- they were French!  From Paris and everything!  Kicking off their American style road trip that would take them to Vegas and L.A., and points in between.  Adorable, with perfect English and sexy accents, we took them to dive bar and showed them the charming American custom of the "depth charge".  We had each been talking to one for a while, but when we went to the bathroom we negotiated a trade.  It turns out hers was gorgeous but a bit of a dud, and we figured that since I already had a crush (HD), she could have first pick and switch to the guy I was talking to.  After 3 margaritas and a boilermaker, this seemed like a perfectly reasonable idea.  But here is what we learned: you cannot do that.  And everyone I have mentioned this to has immediately said "I don't think you can just switch like that".  (Yes, you are correct.  And where were you that night?)  They didn't fall for it.  We ended up having an after party that was festive until 4:30 am, complete with giant vodka sodas, party pics, a lost hat, and forcing Parisians into cabs against their will.  But after we introduced our French farce of "who likes who?", neither one of us ended up with a proper makeout.  Quelle horreur!  But all in all a very fun night,  and a good lesson for future soirees.

Re: HD

The HD wrap-ups might be getting a little boring, because here is the gist of it: I like him, I'm pretty sure he likes me, and we are dating.  We are eating and snuggling and texting and having a lot of fun.  That said, he is also a very busy dad, so it kind of feels like that dating is going to be once or twice a week for now.  I kind of let myself go down the road of "is this my new boyfriend?", until I realized that putting all these expectations on it is a recipe for disappointment.  We all know there is no bigger buzzkill in the early stages of a relationship than "where is this going?".  So, I am going to make an effort to just be here now, enjoy this delicious man when I can, and yes, keep my options open.  If he asks me to go steady anytime soon, I am more than happy to do so, but until that happens, I am a free agent (with a big crush).