OMG! UPDATE!

Ladies, as I have said before, I do not make this stuff up. I JUST finished writing this at the coffee shop and was walking up the street when WHO should I pass at the ATM, but Mark and a date!!! Seriously! Yes, he saw me. I gave him the "caught ya" smirk. (Well played, if I do say so myself.) And no, I did not get a good look at her, but she looked cute enough. Oh well, just as I suspected. More vaildation from the dating gods that at least this stuff makes for some funny stories...

Next!

Over the weekend I did somehow manage to pick up a 27-year-old 6'6" former water polo player at a bar out in Marin. He was pushing hard for an "after party" (SO not in the cards), so I figured it was a one-night-only offer. Imagine my surprise when he called yesterday! It's unconfirmed as of now, but the plan looks like drinks tomorrow. This strapping young man lives in Napa, so I can already predict his "accidental" inability to drive home... I think I will have to be on my toes with this one. But, if nothing else, at least I will have some material for another wrap-up!

Time Goes By... So Slowly

Waiting. So all I've been doing is waiting- waiting to write this until I had another date to cover. Waiting for Mark to call me and ask me out on said date. Waiting for someone new in my inbox, waiting for someone to approach me at the coffee shop or bar... Arrgh! Is there anything more tedious or less sexy? And more importantly, can one even write a fake blog consisting of PDWUs when there are no D's to WU?

So after my last date with Mark, I officially declared myself into him, and then took off to L.A. for a few days. I wanted a "have a great trip!" text, but oh well. I figured he'd just call me when I got back to town. That's when the waiting started, and the compulsive checking of email and texts. I checked and checked and re-checked- nothing. By Friday, I knew it was over. My intuition had been telling me all along that this guy was seeing other girls, so I figured one of those girls had snagged her man. I was bummed, but honestly I knew I was in trouble when I decided I liked him. Unfortunately, in 99 of 100 cases, I don't like the guys who like me, and the ones I do like are just not that into me. Apparently I am an eternal optimist, because I have spent my entire singlehood trying to outsmart this formula.

Then on Monday, 10 days after he left me swooning at the door of my bachelor pad, he emailed me. "Hey Jane, I haven't talked to you in a while. How was L.A.?" Really? You haven't talked to me? Could that be because you haven't CALLED me? But I didn't say that. I was that fake-breezy girl that I know oh so well. Busy! Traveling! Friends! Job interviews! Girl on the go, not pathetic inbox waiter. 24 hours later he responded. Did I ever get the music from my ipod back onto my computer? (That is apparently harder than it sounds, btw.) And also, he was going away on Friday for 10 days. Hmmm, why did he take so long between emails? But still hopeful, I now had a time crunch (2 or 3 days) and an excuse for us to get together. I was enthusiastic- told him I hadn't attempted the music resurrection, and would love his help. I said I would pay in baked goods. (A euphemism for sexual favors?) And then guess what- I waited. 30 hours later and 4000 clicks of "check mail" he responded today at 4pm. Sure, he'd love to help- but it would have to WAIT until after the trip. WhatEVER, dude. After the first email lag I asked myself if he had just gotten back in touch with me to blow me off again. The answer to that question, frustratingly, is yes. I told him that I would handle the itunes myself and to have a nice trip.

Epilogue

Remember Nick? Where we last left off he had texted "miss you" and I did not respond. Well, I was worried about racking up some bad karma in this town, having already not returned calls to 2 of my other dates. What if I started running into some of my burned bridges? (At Giants games, undoubtedly!) My conscience got the best of me, and I did send a "dear nick" email. I sited his inability to open up, and said things should have been feeling a little more natural after 4 dates. He killed me with a response that said "this was not the welcome home that I expected" and that this "wasn't the first time" he had heard things like this. The final turn of the dagger was "I thought I was growing. I guess not." I felt terrible- this behaving like an adult business is no picnic. I wrote back, assuring him that he was a great guy, and that he would meet his match right away. No fun at all, especially because I have been in his position about 2 million times. Not sure which is tougher- waiting by the inbox or sending breakup emails. All I know is that it's hard out here for a dater...

Game On

Since I was already smitten with Mark following Mac Emergency week, I, (of course), spent last week waiting by the phone and going over every tiny detail of our last encounter, trying to determine if we would ever speak again. By Wednesday I was sweating it, seriously, but forced myself not to send any fake-breezy emails requesting tech support. I was out enjoying a cappuccino and some wi-fi ("working") when the message came in. Hallelujah! The other patrons must have thought I just scored an MJ dress on ebay for $9.99 by the smile on my face. What was funny that is was an invitation to another Giants game. 13 years in Los Angeles and I think I saw the Dodgers once, and now this was my second baseball date in 3 weeks. Oh well! I am happy to consume giant beers and hot dogs, and more than happy to do anything with cute Mark.

He picked me up (yay! no public transport!) Friday evening and off we went. Have I mentioned that he is cute? Yes, I may be under the influence of cupid's arrow, because I was actually comparing him to David Beckham in my head. But more importantly, he was talking. In sharp contrast to my baseball date with quiet Nick, we chatted before, during and after the game. And apart from a very in-depth conversation about the mascot, none of it was baseball-related. He was funny and smart, open, analytical and very masculine. And he laughed at my jokes. Hooray! Now this was my kind of sports-related date. We even got to leave in the 8th inning because it was FREEZING. Of all the outdoor SF dates I've been on so far, this was the coldest- even the season ticket holders were talking about it. (Please remember, it is July.)

Back to mine for a glass of wine (thank you, parking gods, for that spot in front!) More chatting, some music, something to drink... I was suddenly grateful that I live in a pimped out bachelor pad (I am apartment swapping for anyone who may not know.) I turned on the red lantern mood lighting (and the heat), relaxed into the World's Most Comfortable Couch, and waited for the setting to work it's magic. I will not doubt the bachelor decorating scheme again, because it did not take too long before he pulled me over. We had a fantastic (PG rated!) couch makeout. A good old-fashioned, fully-clothed, sitting-up couch makeout that made me feel like I was 17 and wanted to push my curfew just five more minutes. (At 37, after seemingly hundreds of dates, that is quite a feat.) We talked a little more, and I asked him about his broken engagement that he had referenced. He told me that the was the one who broke it off, that it just wasn't the way he wanted to feel about the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Bonus points for Openness (+50), Being In Touch With Emotions (+100), and General Interest In Marriage (+150!) Right? Another knee-weakening kiss at the door, and he left me flustered and giddy. Oh dear... I believe I may be in trouble. Especially because we don't have any concrete plans for the future, and I have not heard from him. He knew I was heading out of town for a few days, so I am hoping he will be getting in touch soon. But since I now have an Official Crush, all bets are off...

Mac Daddy

I was counting on Mark to install my new hard drive and revive my little baby. I couldn't do Friday, he couldn't do Saturday. By Sunday I was very antsy. I normally would have waited for him to call me, but these were emergency circumstances. I texted. He called back, and invited me over for computer repair and hanging out. Hooray! Cute apartment, a glass of wine, a little show and tell. (Including a couple of photos from when he had hair- oh my!) And I was feeling a little shy, a little nervous... uh oh. I was smitten! He performed the surgery, the computer came back to life (my hero!), and I packed up. We were sitting fairly close together (thank you, computer tutorial!) and I was hoping to get kissed. There was a little nervous laughter, darting eyes, I could feel myself blushing like crazy. Here it comes... And then he says, "are you okay?" Oh no- am I reading this scene all wrong? Now I was really flustered. But then he did kiss me. And it was great. But as soon as we parted he threw me out. He literally said "I hate to throw you out, but I'm beat". Huh? Smitten, kissed and kicked out- I didn't know which end was up at this point. Did he kiss me just to get rid of me? That's not a real dating strategy, is it? I made my exit in a flurry of thank you's. We have had a couple of emails/texts since then, but no concrete plans. I'm thinking he might be dating other people..? See, I must like him, because I just can't figure out if he's into me.

And Another Thing...

Last week I was sitting at Peet's, when a couple that I vaguely recognized walked in. Then I placed their faces. The guy was someone I had dated in LA- I really liked him, but he never called me again. And the girl- I knew her too. She was literally the WINNER of America's Next Top Model a few seasons ago, Nicole. She was stunning, prettier in person with giraffe legs in short-shorts. He gave me the awkward smile of recognition, and then I watched them prance down the block, hand in hand. Thank you, universe, for a reminder of how tough dating in LA is. I just can't believe you had them follow me to San Francisco to get the point across! (I swear, I do not make this stuff up.)

No dates on the calendar presently (is this God's way of saying I need to get a job?) but will keep you posted on any developments.

Nix Nick?

The next night I had dinner with Nick. We walked from his place to a great sushi place. The food was fantastic, the conversation less so. This was our fourth date- shouldn't it be something more than polite conversation? Why do our dates continue to feel like I'm entertaining an out-of-town cousin? I'd like to feel past small talk by this point.

Back on the couch at his, I decided it was time to upset the apple cart.
J: "So Nick, you seem like you are a little hard to get to know."
N: "I'd say that's accurate."
J: "Okaaaay. Well why is that?"
N: "I don't know- maybe you should ask my shrink."

And I'm out. He refused to open up, or to enlighten me about his inability to open up. This conversation also included him questioning my motives for moving to San Francisco- rather suspiciously. Are you kidding me? Does he think I am on the lam? Only someone who has something to hide believes that about others. After I accidentally made out with him (oops! and it was actually fun- is that bad?) I headed home. In the light of day, I decided that I had to trust my instincts about Nick and stop seeing him.

He went out of town for the weekend, and I didn't hear from him before he left. Maybe our lack of a spark was obvious, and he was feeling the same way. Was it possible that I was going to get out of this with him just never calling me again? Not so much. Over the weekend I got the text that every girl wants... from the right guy. From the wrong guy, it just inspires dread. "Miss you :)". Oh dear. I didn't respond. I know! But I figured the only proper response is "Miss you too", right? So I did nothing. I still haven't heard from him. I feel bad. Should I email him, or just let sleeping dogs lie?

Will You Accept This Rose?

Two nights later my computer died. Died. Like, one minute everything was fine, and the next minute there was a flashing question mark on the screen. Before I could place a hysterical call to my own personal tech support, he texted. (Cute, btw!) I seized the opportunity to set up an emergency computer consultation (date?) for the next night.

We met for dinner, and when I walked up I thought- cute! Love it when you find them cuter each time. Over dinner, I did my best to overcome the death sentence my computer had received from the "genius" bar that day. Mark asked if I watched reality TV, and while I listed off the less embarrassing answers to that question (project runway, top chef), I suddenly gasped. I had forgotten that it was Monday night, the finale of the Bachelorette! Hearing my gasp, he knew. He admitted that he watched the Bach too! Umm, what? This date has just gone from good to great. We finished up and headed back to mine to watch the show. How fun is that?

Two hours later, Deanna finally chose Jesse (Mark declared them doomed), and I drove him home. I was hoping for a little kiss, but all I got was a peck that landed somewhere between my mouth and my cheek. Hmmmm... keeping me on my toes? We had plans for another computer clinic- my poor sick laptop was still getting me dates!

Meet Mark

This was the last date in my dating marathon of a couple of weeks ago. At that point I was worked, toxic, and dare I say it?- almost looking forward to some nights off. When I missed my bus to the date, I did have a fleeting thought of no-showing. But I decided to quit my whining, caught the next bus, and arrived just 10 minutes late.

I'm glad I decided to man up. Mark was better-looking in person, with that great relaxed-confident vibe. Bald- not my usual flavor, but that can be rather sexy and masculine, can't it? He is 38, 6'0", a Mac Specialist for UCSF, from Ohio but has lived in SF for 14 years. We met at a very dark (always flattering- thank you, Mark!) hole in the wall for a beer, and then walked down the street for another. Great energy, easy to talk to, cool taste in music, has lots of friends, etc. Drove me home (bonus points!) and said that I should call if I wanted to join him and his friends for various fun things that weekend. Verrrry promising...

No Game At The Game

Last night was Date 3 with Nick. Originally, he had texted and said he wanted to stay in and watch a movie. As we all know, this is simply code for a hot and heavy makeout. I thought about how I wasn't ready to start "seeing" this guy (isn't that date idea a little boyfriendy?), and I thought about that weird apartment... I texted back "what about an activity? like bowling?". Seriously. That is how our date turned into a night at the Giants/Cubs game. (His idea.) So fun! I'm no sports fan, but I am new in town and was excited about checking out the ballpark, (not to mention checking out a beer and some garlic fries!).

We were meeting at his, and I got there a few minutes early (lingering guilt from the tardiness on Date 2). He was just arriving in the lobby as I was, and I have to say- cute! Sunglasses on, work bag in hand, somehow he looked great in his natural element. I thought about how picky I had been about his clothes and apartment, and realized that I am such a superficial snob. I think 9 out of 10 girls would rate Nick as "very cute." (And since I am so superficial, thinking that other people might find my date hot is a VERY good thing.) Off to a great start!

Cabbed to the game, chatting away well enough. Got snacks and beer, settled into our seats, and I kept things going by asking dumb baseball questions. (I know nothing, really.) But a few innings in, the chatter was flowing a little less easily. Since I am a girl, my ultra-sensitive emotional thermometer started making me wonder if this dude was somehow less into me. Shouldn't he be holding my hand? Why was I asking all the questions? Was the vibe flirty enough? As anyone who knows me can attest, second to looking cute, being less into me is a surefire way to get me to like you. Well played, Nick!

As the game wore on (please note that I am once again outside in freezing climes) he became more and more quiet. All I could think of was how much material the Bachelorette editors would have for the "things are not going well with Nick" segment. I found myself asking questions like "what animal are you the most afraid of?" to fill the space. At one point I laughed and said "am I interviewing you?" and he said "no, you've just lost interest in the game." Ouch. I defended my interest, got quiet, and pretended to be engrossed with whatever was happening on the field.

I thought things would improve after the game, but on the walk home (FREEZING) he was still relatively mute! And not holding my hand through crowds and crossing streets! You know I must have been annoyed, because I actually broke the icy (literally) silence with "so, you're awfully quiet tonight, Nick." To my surprise, this seemed to work- he apologized for being so into the game, said he was sorry if he had been ignoring me. Conversation returned, but I felt he was still "holding back" (see Date 2). Didn't he want to know more about me?

Back to his for couch time. I was actually up for a little smooching, as I was still finding him cute. Only this time, couch time was... TV time. Yup, even though we had just returned from 3 hours of being spectators, we were now watching something else...? Oh well, he's going to make a move any minute, right? No, he's going to find weird Discovery Channel style snake shows. A little kiss, a little hand holding, but that was it. Once I realized that he was more into Snakemaster (snaking out?) than making out, I started yawning really loudly. When that didn't work, I just asked him to take me home. This sounds worse than it was- it was really just...odd. I think I figured out that Nick just has No Game. Does he not understand what to do with dates? Is he just out of practice, or is it something more?

He drove me home, (we did kiss a little in the car) and of course asked to see me again right away. He has texted since I have been writing this. Huh? I can't figure this one out! I thought I was starting to like him, but unless he opens up, I can't foresee a future of silent dating! Stay tuned...

No Rest For The Weary

So here's the thing- I am exhausted. I didn't realize this until 15 minutes in to my date with Alex last night. Alex is a 6'4" surfing cameraman for the 49ers. Sounds sexy, right? He looked so cute online, that I was willing to overlook the fact that he had a kid (just not my usual thing. Plus, since I am -ahem- not exactly a spring chicken myself, I figured I should be more inclusive, right?) Anyway, you know that blind date feeling when someone is walking toward you, and you're going "oh wait, really?". What was tall and muscular online was more like tall and gangly in person. The super thick blonde hair had been recently cropped way too short. The smoldering masculinity I was expecting was actually sort a of puppy-dog goofiness.

We met on the roof of a bar that had a truly stunning view of the city. Gorgeous! And FREEZING. What I am learning about San Franciscans is that they need to be outside ALL THE TIME. They don't care about how cold it is, or how many articles of North Face they have to wear, and they certainly don't care about their hair. Coming form the land of eternal sunshine, I find this particularly amusing, as Angelenos are never really out of doors (except when waiting for the valet.) I think I had rooftop drinks in LA exactly once. Anyway, I digress... Back to Alex. He had just come from winning a frisbee golf (!) tournament, and announced that because he won the pool of $40, "the first couple" drinks were on him. Oh dear. This was about the time that I realized that slippers and flannel pajamas sounded absolutely heavenly.

It wasn't really all my date's fault. This was my 6th date in 12 days. (Is that a record, btw?) I have had so many small talk conversations (LA vs. SF! my family/professional background! and, without fail: The Weather!) and had gotten dolled up so many times that I was a little bit drained. I was counting on the adrenaline rush of meeting up with a Scott Speedman lookalike to get me through it. When that wasn't the case, I suddenly realized that what I needed more than "so, do you have any brothers and sisters?" was a night off. But I hung in there for a couple of hours and a couple of drinks. Dennis made some odd remarks about avoiding girls with alcoholic fathers (without knowing one thing about mine), how expensive the bill was, and kept referring to his son as "my boy". Okay...TTG?

Once I made it home, I snuggled into those flannels, and did what every girl with 3 sangrias and a mediocre date in her system would: I put on SATC and texted the ex. And then I got my much needed rest.

(**Not too much rest, though! Tonight is Date 3 w/ Nick and tomorrow is a another first date!)

Makeover My Heart

Last night was Date 2 with Nick from Chicago. He is 39, a financial consultant, 6'0", looks like Jason Bateman (but if JB hadn't updated his wardrobe in the last 10 years. Oh well.) Date 1 was a good one- cute wine bar, romantic walk and swanky drink at the Top of the Mark, little kiss at the cab. He asked me out again at the end of the date, followed up with a text at 10:30 the next morning. On it! Into me! Hmmm... I'm not familiar. What exactly is going on here?

Dinner at 8, I was more or less on time, and then... I drove. After spending the week figuring out the optimal SF transportation dating formula (bus to, taxi home, btw) I somehow forgot it all. I got in my car and drove there like the LA girl that I am. I will never, ever make this mistake again. After 25 minutes of looking for parking, I made it in to meet Nick. Cute, not mad, (and still dressed as if it was 1998. Oh well.) Dinner was good, conversation flowed, my honest assessment was that this man was digging my scene. Always a good feeling. I, on the other hand, was still on the fence about him. Like the Bachelorette, I felt that he wasn't "opening up" enough. I just didn't have a good sense of who this guy was. We went for a drink afterwards, he kissed me in the bar- not quite sure. Not bad, but not socks-knocking.

I drove him home (another hazard of being the one with the car) and he asked me up. I strategically parked in 2 hour parking, just in case he had any other ideas. And then- The Apartment. It was in one of those big character-free buildings- not my favorite, but fine. It was neat enough, and decorated in true bachelor fashion with weird posters and a really big bean bag. Again, nothing I haven't seen before- fine. But on my very short house tour, I immediately spied 2 items that sent off little "Alert!" signals in my head. Number One was a small framed photo of Cary Grant on a book shelf. Seriously. And then, above the (decidedly unsexy) bed, there was Number Two. A great big print of a Warhol Marilyn Monroe. Say what? Now, I'm no homophobe, except when it comes to my dates. I suddenly felt like I knew why this "catch" was single, why he was 'holding back"... My mind was reeling with thoughts of Tom Cruise-style sexual repression. I asked him about CG, and he said it was the photo that was in the frame when he purchased it. He kept it up for.. "a joke"? I'm not sure how funny that joke is. I couldn't bear to ask about Marilyn. Hopefully they are holdovers from an ex (of the female variety.) I tried to put this stuff out of my head and got down to the business of a little make-out. Again, not the best, but not terrible... meh. What was wrong with me? Here was this handsome, successful guy who was clearly into me, and now I was the one holding back. Maybe it was Cary looking on, maybe it was the need for a wardrobe update. But isn't that all just superficial? Is Mike just a makeover away from fantastic?

Date 3 is Wednesday, so I guess i'll know more then...